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i heard a sweet voice and she's singing my name [entries|friends|calendar]
the sleepless sailor

[ website | The Sleepless Sailor ]
[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

don't call it a comeback... [08 Feb 2007|12:36am]
[ mood | tired ]

check it out bitches; my new blog: pretty[boy] in pink


and with this, i end my [often dysfunctional] relationship with livejournal.


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goodbye...goodbye...goodbye. [22 Sep 2006|08:57pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

i am done with this journal. i will no longer be posting here [except to announce my new blog once i create one]. i will no longer be reading my friend's page. i am not deleting this journal until i have gone through all my entries and saved the ones that are important to me [which could take the rest of my life].

i am so done with live journal, and the drama, and the popularity contests, and my inability to control my behaivors around reading things i shouldn't- or don't need to- or wish i never did...

and there is nothing more to say here, because i don't need this anymore.

i can be contacted via email: stephenandrew81@gmail.com
or by phone if you know me in real life.

this is me...moving on.

peace bitches.

another year younger... [19 Sep 2006|10:40am]
[ mood | tired ]

a very happy and a very sweeet sixteen to you, miss*ter alexander wilkins.
may this year be both all you hope for and more than you hope for.
i wish you nothing but good things.
here's to you, and the revolvolution.

with love, always:
mister stratton
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there's a chill in my bones and i don't want to be left alone... [11 Sep 2006|03:46pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

currently i feel as though all my stress and anxiety has been wadded into a tight ball of pain and shoved in the base of my neck, where it now resides.

i am hoping to go home and do some cleaning/reorganzing at home in hopes of having a nice craft/art space in our home. lately i feel so sick and tierd of my life and i need something healthy to put my energy into. i feel like i spend all of my time working, or being exhausted, or feeling shit*tastic. on good days maybe even all of the above. im still not entierly sure what thats about but i think it has a lot to do with balance...in a many different areas of my life.

right now there are babies who decided to wake up 10 minutes early from their already too short nap. i wish they would stop playing this game...

perhaps i will update more later...for now, off to baby-wrangle.

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how to be better in 30 days or less [04 Sep 2006|01:29am]
[ mood | optimistic ]

everyday i want to:

write more
take more photos
be more thankful
be more patient
save more, spend less
take better care of my body
pray more
love more

this year i want to:

get my photography buisness + website up and running
travel off the east coast
take a [real] vacation with my boyfriend
get chest surgery
find a church i feel good about belonging to
write a book

tonight i want to:
feel tierd
transport my boyfriend back from ny/nj

7 comments|post comment

bet my job is more awesome than yours.... [23 Aug 2006|12:39am]
[ mood | awake ]

...because i got projectile vomited on today!

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going from bad to worse [19 Aug 2006|03:33am]
[ mood | depressed ]

something isn't [right].

my 25th birthday came and went. mostly i worked and then my boyfriend took me out for dinner. i am not a birthday person, i don't like the attention, but it is a little depressing not to get a single card. whatever.

the bigger problem is this depression that is setteling over me...thick and heavy, sour. i know i need to do something about it but its hard to do anything when i just feel like i am constantly treading water and only barley keeping from going under.

all the time i feel lonely. and i am just tierd of this. i feel like i don't want to waste another minute of my life being depressed. but i don't know how to get control of it.

i want it to be different.

3 comments|post comment

adventures in cat therapy [08 Jun 2006|10:56pm]
[ mood | tired ]

so my cat, charlotte, is not well. the vet thinks that she has a stress-induced urinary tract disease. its not an actual infection, but her body responds as though she has a u.t.i. we will find out for sure after they test her urine next week. if it is because of stress she may have to go on anti-depressants...yes, my cat on anti-depressants [apparently she takes after me].

also, my vet suggested i try using 'feliway' which works like a glade plugin but releases phermones to reduce kitty stress in your house. if anyone has any expirience with this stuff i would like to hear about it.

this is my baby girl, looking like the lovely lady she is:

and this is her keepin it real:

8 comments|post comment

i laugh because its true... [29 May 2006|04:25pm]
[ mood | hot ]

if you have never been to www.marriedtothesea.com do yourself a favor and go.
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[28 Apr 2006|01:40am]
[ mood | exhausted ]

dear babies,

crying [screaming like i am tourturing you for no reason] for hours on end is getting old. please stop.

your adoring nanny

it's been a long[er] than usual week. i haven't found the time to do anything productive...like showering, eating, sleeping, etc. the good news? tommorow afternoon my boyfriend and i leave for a weekend alone in boston as a belated aniversary celebration. we are staying here:

so ::peace bitches:: i am off to finish washing my undies and packing my bag.
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tum-tum-tum-tum...tums. [26 Apr 2006|01:17am]
[ mood | sick ]

it is nearing 1:30 in the morning and i can not sleep because i have heartburn like a motherfucker...and i am on the verge of throwing up at any given moment. good thing i have to be up in five hours so that i can work with babies all day and then go take care of the big kids at night.

blech. this feels shit*tastic.

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sometimes it feels like this... [10 Apr 2006|10:33pm]
[ mood | quiet ]

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crap. [05 Apr 2006|01:55pm]
[ mood | disappointed ]

does anyone have two [or even one] extra ticket[s] to the lori show tommorow night??
i didn't think it was going to sell out. stupid me.
my boyfriend has never gotten to see lori live, and now i feel like a bad boyfriend.

6 comments|post comment

next time, leave it unwritten [30 Mar 2006|07:40pm]
[ mood | cranky ]

in case you were wondering::

i fucking hate natasha beddigfield [or however you spell her name].

but in better news::

barebrokeback mountain is out on dvd tuesday.

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yours are the sweetest eyes i've ever seen [17 Mar 2006|01:51pm]
[ mood | blessed ]

currently i am expiriencing the kind of joy that only comes from; two babies sleeping soundly in their respective cribs ::knock on wood:: thus far, today has been a good day. this is the first week of officially being a full time nanny to the twins and i must say, i f*ing love my job. i anticipate it growing better with time too, as i watch these two little people grow and change. already i am in love.

my mother and my aunt came to visit last weekend. the visit itself went remarkably well. my aunt started using male pronouns for the first time ever, and my mom did her very best to avoid pronouns and names. which, is an improvment. it was really nice to show them my new home, to introduce them to my friends and godson, have them spend more time with alexander, and just spend time with family without much stress. i wonder if it felt that way to them, or it feels like being in a completly different world; much like when i am in conneticut. ::shrug:: they seemed to have a nice time and we made tentative plans for mom to come back in the spring and spend a weekend helping me plant a garden.

also over the last week i recconected with my high school boyfriend. i came out to him and he wrote a genuinely sweet and respectful email to me. turns out some people don't change that much, he seems to be the same caring man i knew him to be seven years ago. then over the weekened i got an email from one of my best friends from high school. we have, more or less, lost touch over the years for some reasons he explained in his email. it was so good to hear from him and to know that the distance between us is not too great.

as spring is approaching i am feeling the pull to really kick my ass into shape by the time summer gets here. i have been trying to wake up earlier this week in hopes that i can start getting myself up at 5:30 to go to the gym for an hour before work. if i can pull it off i think it will be a good way to start my day. now i have to master putting myself to bed at a decent hour instead of staying up late downloading music and watching bad tv.

in other news...next wednesday alexander and i celebrate one gay year together. i can't even put to words all the changes our relationship has undergone in the last year. but here, by the grace of god, we stand; still together and in love. who knew dirty dances at gay bars could lead to something so sweet and true. ::ex and ohhh prince/ss of mine::

4 comments|post comment

hotter than a soccer mom [08 Mar 2006|10:13pm]
[ mood | full ]

in about a month i will be the proud owner of a ford windstar mini*van.

don't be jealous bitches, i'll take you for a ride.

the question i pose to you... the van comes equipted with three awesome bumper stickers, i plan on keeping one for good luck, which one should it be:

"dissapear fear" [lesbian band]
"family van" [with a rainbow band]
"teach tolerance" [with a rainbow band]

choose wisely friends.

10 comments|post comment

question to the masses... [05 Mar 2006|10:16pm]
[ mood | calm ]

dear miss manners,

i dated this boy for two years in high school. he was a great guy, we remained friends for a while after our break up, then we lost touch when i went to college. i've always wondered what became of him so i googled him the other night. long story short we've exchanged emails.

do i tell him outright that i am a giant tranny faggot...
or do i let a couple of emails pass before i tell him?


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and in a wide sea of eyes i see one pair i recognize [28 Feb 2006|11:14pm]
[ mood | sleepy ]

and where was i the day before
i first saw your lovely face
now i see it every day and i know
that i am, i am
the luckiest...

when i was younger my mother told me i was her sweet child...that i have a heart with an incredible capacity for love and compassion...that she would always worry people will take advantage of that.

i've been thinking about that a lot lately, because sometimes my heart feels so full of feeling that i think it will burst inside my chest. that i fear losing you so much because every day my love for you expands, and i can't imagine how empty my heart would feel without you. sometimes i worry that i'm a sucker, that i love too hard without abandon...that i am just not careful enough.

but i think i don't care. i don't want it any other way. i don't want anyone else. and even if it sometimes feels like all we do is work to stay together, mostly i feel like it's second nature. beneath my stone, beneath my irrational and wild fears, beneath my bruises and scars, there is only this one truest love; without limits or boundaries...i want to be yours for always.

i love you more than i have ever found a way to say to you...
-ben folds

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a boy can dream...can't he? [23 Feb 2006|11:24am]
[ mood | exhausted ]

today i worked thirteen hours...which makes thirtyfive hours so far this week...and only twenty [or so] more to go.

i need a *fucking* vacation...

somewhere warm. with my boy. peace and quiet. sun. blue sky. lots of sex. delicious food. spending money without thinking. something brilliant and fabulous.

*this is me dreaming of aviator shades:plaid shorts:blowjobs in the morning:driving with my hand making airwaves next to you*

6 comments|post comment

ten robins told me spring is not far away [22 Feb 2006|12:31pm]
[ mood | geeky ]

last week...i got new *nerdy* black [with a hint of pink] glasses...and i am trying out a new hairstyle [for the first time in five years]. next on the agenda...get *fit*thin*and sexy* before summer comes.

i have been spending a lot of time with babies. little time with myself. and more quality time with my boyfriend. i have been drinking at least 5 cans of diet coke a day. designing tshirts. and spending too much money.

now i am not as tierd as i should be, so i am going to retire to my fabulous pink room to snuggle under my sheets and watch rent. gay? don't be jealous bitches.


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